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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380434">Ocean eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeldastloz/pseuds/Zeldastloz'>Zeldastloz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lord of the Flies - William Golding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:36:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeldastloz/pseuds/Zeldastloz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ralph and Jack return to the shores of the beach after the other boys discovered their sexuality.<br/>Ralph just wanted him and Jack to be happy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>One shot.<br/>This isn't a happy fic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Merridew/Ralph</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ocean eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>After a happy ending to Playing dirty, I decided to dive in a write a down right depressing story.<br/>Please don't read if you're highly sensitive.<br/>There is blood at certain points and a major character death.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Note: this one shot title is by Billie Eilish's song- Ocean eyes. It gives me some serious vibes and inspired me to write this story.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Ralph steadied himself forward, his bruises pricking against his skin. His mouth bled, deep thrashing cuts embedded like battle scars. His hands ached, dripping with sweat as he felt his knees collapse before him. Before he knew it his legs scraped brutally along the muddy ground tracing a layer on both his knees and shins. His arms as cold as ice, the bone-chilling repercussions of his past actions.</p><p>Glancing down at his hands, he traced his thumb along his bloody knuckles. His palms engraved with cuts and slits, he quickly clenched his fist back up. He was done for. All he could do was cuddle hold of his legs, bury his head into them and tell himself everything would be OK.</p><p>The rain above spat down onto him, the little knives piercing his skin as he forced himself to look up into the distance. Everything went wrong. The sound of cries was lethal, lingering a tune throughout the jungle. Screams from the younger boys, heavy footsteps. The forest was alight.</p><p>Fiery flames all riled up, spreading like butter along the thicket's of the jungle. It wasn't long before the entirety of the jungle was completely engulfed in these tyrannous flames of hell.</p><p>He didn't know what was left. What was left?</p><p>Ralph reopened his eyes, ashes from the smoke tinging in. He was sick with worry. Jack said he would be back by now. He couldn't help but expect the worst. Things hadn't exactly gone to plan.</p><p>The other boys had discovered their big secret. The secret they had been concealing indefinitely. Their sexual identity.</p><p>Ralph rubbed down his arms, sprawled with goosebumps. It caused such a ruckus. The others were disgusted, sickened upon finding out him and Jack had been dating. Ralph could feel his throat tighten, swelling with anxiety. Simon and Sam'n'eric were the only people who supported them. Ralph let out a hiss of a cry. They should've been careful. It was his fault. If the others hadn't have found out, Simon, Eric and Sam wouldn't have become targets for supporting them, they wouldn't have been killed.</p><p>Ralph cradled his legs, digging his nails into his skin. It was all his fault. Their deaths were his fault. Glancing up, he latched his eyes onto the fire once again. Soon enough the boys would come dashing down with beach shores with their weapons arisen above their heads with ambition for murder.</p><p>Originally they had set the island on fire as a way to lure them out. Smoke him and Jack out like the animals they were now perceived to be. But it got out of control. Roger had dropped the torch held loosely in his hand and in no time the fire had succumbed half of the jungle. Extinguished the hope that lingered. Thankfully, the panic it inaugurated allowed a slim amount of time for him and Jack to escape their villainous grasps. From then on they planned to shove together a raft and depart from the silver shores of the island and onto the chilling waters.</p><p>It was a dangerous decision, but it was either that or be killed. Or even burnt alive. It was their last ditch attempt to survive. But things went wrong. After escaping they had dashed down the thicket, heading for the beach. But suddenly they were set back when Jack caught his leg trapped in some vines. With the fire spreading rapidly, Jack told him to go-that he would catch up.</p><p>So he went. Fearful and scared and trembling with anxiety, he fled. Scrambled down to the beach sands to where he now sat. The fire was too powerful to go back in. As much as he wanted to. There was no way he'd be able to navigate the smoky atmosphere to find Jack, then make it out without dying of smoke of inhalation.</p><p>But he was willing to take that risk. Carefully, he pushed himself off of the sandy ground. The others were after them. He couldn't leave Jack to die. And so he began running, his sore ankles rippling with pain. Nevertheless he prodded onward, hobbling back to the burning jungle. It was a stupid decision, but he couldn't leave him. What if he had passed out from the smoke intake or been found by one of the other boys?</p><p>Ralph reentered the jungle thicket, his eyes already tingling with the ash of the smoke seeping through. He lifted his hand to his eyes to shield them, but the pain still throbbed as the ash still reaped through.</p><p>It was a maze. The smoke thick and puffy and the screams of the younger boys was so unbearable. He could barely see.</p><p>"Jack!" he called out. "J-jack please where are you?" his voice cracked.</p><p>He quickened his pace, darting in all sorts of directions in hope he would spot him. It wasn't even like he could determine exactly where he was. The tree above and beside him all looked identical. Licking his lips, the coppery taste of blood trickled down his throat.</p><p>"Jack I can't-" he heaved a vocal sigh. "Please say something."</p><p>The muffled ululations of the boys drew nearer by the minute. If they found him it would all be over. Everything him and Jack had worked to do, their future they hoped for would vanish.</p><p>Ralph quickly opened his eyes fully to examine the area. He still couldn't recognise anything with the smoke smothering it. And his legs became more and more tired, he could feel the hope slowly fade. How would he make it out with the amount of smoke he had inhaled. He would die before even finding him.</p><p>His face soon became wet with loss. The ocean tears pouring down his cheeks and dripping like a tap to the floor. Their future. He had promised Jack they would be together forever. It was a bit of a soppy and hopelessly romantic promise but it was a promise nonetheless. He remembered it like it was yesterday.</p><p>
  <em>"Jack?" he said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are we going to make it off the island...?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Course we are. You and me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But what about the others?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sucks to the others," he remarked. "Once we leave the island we can be rid of them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I guess so..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just promise me this Ralph..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Promise you won't ditch me once we leave."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I promise," he replied softly. "We're going to have our own island- and then everything will be fine."</em>
</p><p>It was their dream. A little unrealistic, but it's what they had hoped for.</p><p>Ralph hated this feeling of weakness. It's like his father always told him, "Men don't cry." So when he found himself crying, he felt as though he was disappointing him.</p><p>As he hurried forward, he began to feel the itch in his throat. The coughing and wheezing. His chest felt tight and his vision blurred the longer he stayed. And that was when he finally found him.</p><p>Finally he had found him. Passed out on the jungle floor. Ralph didn't bother to try and wake him, he would do that once he reached safety. He didn't know how the boys were seemingly walking around in the smokey area with no repercussions- but that didn't bother him.</p><p>Bending down, he lifted Jack gently off the ground and hoisted him onto his shoulders. It was easier getting out of the jungle. The disorientation made it difficult to see but he just tried as best as he could to go back the way he came.</p><p>And soon enough they had emerged from the fire, the sand tickling his feet. Somewhere in between he managed to lose consciousness himself because the next time he woke up, he was viewing something unimaginable.</p><p>Roger dropped to his knees in front of him, blood running down his chest. The spear spiking right through it. Ralph jolted upwards, his head heavy with dizziness. He looked in front of him, Roger suddenly plummeting to the sandy floor.</p><p>He quickly rubbed his eyes, darting his eyes to the left of him. And then he saw Jack. And then it hit him. He was too sprawled flat onto the sands, the crimson imagery of blood dripping onto the sand beside him.</p><p>Ralph's throat tightened as he let out a scream, "Jack!" he exclaimed, crawling over to him.</p><p>He gently shook him, every second becoming increasingly more painful. As he began to see more clearly, he wished he had died in that jungle. Jack and Roger had clearly had a scuffle, a fight. He'd been stabbed. The weapon was no longer there, but the wound still open. And he was losing blood.</p><p>Ralph darted his eyes around, his throat feeling tight as though it was tangled in barbed wire. That in-explainable fear, where your voice becomes hoarse dry and your eyes sting with unimaginable grief.</p><p>"No no no!" he scrambled around, trying to find anything to cover the wound. A cloth, a towel, anything.</p><p>"Jack!" he tried again. "Can you hear me?" he screeched dryly. "Please open your eyes! Please say anything, d-don't do this to me, don't leave me!"</p><p>He crawled around in a frenzy, flapping his hands around to find something. To his only luck, he found a face towel by Roger. He desperately grabbed hold of it , rushing down to the ocean to soak it. He remembered learning that salt is good for wounds. Once soaked, he hastily sped back and placed in on Jack's lower abdomen.</p><p>Jack twitched a little to his surprise, his eyes slowly opening.</p><p>"Jack!" he spat exasperated. "J-jack are you OK?"</p><p>With a small cough, Jack was no staring back at him, a smile growing on his face.</p><p>"Thank god you are OK Ralph," he said dryly.</p><p>Ralph couldn't help but cry, "About me? You're the one who nearly died from smoke inhalation. I was so worried about you idiot!" he cried. "I thought I lost you."</p><p>"I'm fine," Jack replied, coughing in between.</p><p>"You don't look fine," Ralph admitted truthfully. "What happened between you and Roger? Because Jack you- you've been stabbed."</p><p>Jack took a glance down to examine the wound. His face turned to shock, his eyes widening.</p><p>"Forgot about that," he winced, clenching his teeth. "I woke up... maybe ten minutes ago.." he paused, drowsily. "Roger had found us and you were unconscious. I did what I had to do. I tried to reason with that bastard, but he wasn't having any of it. And so I killed him. But he got me too and I guess the pain must've put me in shock..."</p><p>Ralph shook his head, trying to calm himself. "What about the others?"</p><p>"Don't know, don't care," said Jack. "I guess without Roger they're all cowards."</p><p>"As soon as we get out off the island the better," Ralph changed the subject, avoiding the inevitable. "We need to get that wound treated or you'll die."</p><p>"Ralph," Jack said carefully. "I can't go..."</p><p>Ralph shook his head, "Of course you can!" he said. "You need to get that wound treated!"</p><p>Jack let out a sigh, "I can't..." he said, quietly. "Ralph look at me!" he shot a helpless glance at him, his eyes wobbling. "I won't survive the journey back. And even if I did- things wouldn't be the same"</p><p>"What do you mean?" he quivered, his words rambling. "What do you-"</p><p>"Well we'll still see each other but things won't be able to just carry on," he coughed. "If we're found out-"</p><p>"We could still try-" he continued.</p><p>"And put us both in danger? No thanks."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"Ralph," Jack warned, shifting the subject. "This island fire isn't going to die down any time soon. You should go."</p><p>Ralph quickly bent down, hugging close to Jack, sobbing. "I won't leave you idiot."</p><p>"Don't you get it?" Jack raised his voice. "I can't even move and I'll slow you down," he clarified. "I've always been selfish but not now, I'm putting you first- you need to go."</p><p>But he couldn't accept that. "No I won't leave you!" he cried, seizing his shoulder's. "I love you, idiot, so please for once in your life listen to me."</p><p>Jack gave a half smile, "I love you too... golden boy," he drawled. "But it's no point. It's a shit show here, a total mess. Your only chance of survival is to do what we were going to do-"</p><p>"Don't be batty- I won't just leave you!"</p><p>"What other choice is there?" he spat, his voice strained and dry. "I won't survive the journey-"</p><p>"Stop it!" Ralph spluttered. "You'll be fine!"</p><p>Jack slowly got up, gnawing down his teeth to sit up. His breaths became more rapid, heavy and useless. "I don't want you dying," he said breathy. "Just stop being so stubborn," he wrapped his arms around him.</p><p>"I just don't want to leave you!" he admitted, his tone desperate.</p><p>"And I didn't want it to be this way..." Jack breathed heavily. "I just wanted it to be the two of us. The two of us alone and happy and all that soppy stuff..."</p><p>"I did too.." Ralph sobbed. "It's all I ever wanted."</p><p>"But I won't let you stay here and get hurt. Ralph do it for me. Leave the island."</p><p>"Ugh this is all my fault!" Ralph spluttered. "If I hadn't have refused to accept myself- the argument we had never would've happened. For fuck's sake, the other boys wouldn't have found out!" he cursed, gesturing his arms about. "And-and S-sam, Eric and Simon wouldn't have stuck up for us and they would still be alive-"</p><p>"You're not responsible for their choices-"</p><p>"No, just their deaths," he said bluntly.</p><p>"Don't beat yourself up about it," Jack assured him. "They were just being good friends to us. It's not your fault that Roger and the others..." he cut his sentence short, a cough spewing from his mouth.</p><p>But Ralph knew it was best unsaid regardless.</p><p>"What do I do...?" he asked almost rhetorically, a sad tune in his question. "I can't leave you. We were suppose to leave the island together..."</p><p>Jack looked at him sadly, "I know," he admitted. "But I guess things just didn't go to plan... did they," he let out a hearty chuckle, his voice remaining stoic.</p><p>"I-"</p><p>"No don't you dare blame yourself, OK?" he said firmly. "This is not your fault. You may of been responsible for a lot of things on the island, but this is not one of them."</p><p>Ralph held him tightly, he knew this was the end. He knew surviving a stab wound with no medical help was impossible. It only takes five minutes to bleed out from a stab wound. And so he knew what was coming. He just didn't want to accept it. How could he when he was the love of his life. He gazed forward looking back at Jack with his eyes feeling like an ocean.</p><p>His ocean eyes. Leaning in, he pushed his lips onto his, Jack cupping his cheeks in return. For a moment everything was perfect. He held him softly, leaning his head on Jack's shoulder in complete tranquility.</p><p>This is what they had hoped for. What they had always dreamed of.</p><p>Sunny skies, the warmth of the sun on his face. Him and Jack alone on the island with no worries. No judgmental society. No angry parents. No one to tell them what they can and can't do. It was what they had always wished for.</p><p>
  <em>"So we'll be alright," he had said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course we will golden boy," Jack pressed a timid kiss on his cheek. "Our own island to ourselves. Can I still be chief though?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want," he laughed. "But I get to have my own rules too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And what would those rules be?" he quizzed, cheekily.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't set the island on fire maybe?" he giggled. "And no wearing war paint either. It creeps me out."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jack was stood behind him, hugging his back with his shoulder draping onto his own. "I guess I can agree to that."</em>
</p><p>Ralph held him softly, snapping back to reality. The tears had all but absorbed into his skin. He lent Jack's head against his shoulder, rocking back an forth with the ocean waves rolling in and out in the background.</p><p>And then he had an idea. "Hey I can carry you silly!" he looked back at him.</p><p>But Jack was unresponsive. He looked back at him, Jack's face pale white. And then it hit him. "J-jack!" hurriedly, he lay him down and gently shook him. "Jack no no no don't do this. Please wake up!" he began crying uncontrollably. He shook him harder, bending down to his chest.</p><p>He tried to hold his breath so he could listen for a heart beat. Nothing. Not a sound could be heard apart from the calm sound of the ocean waves. At this point he had clutched hold of him, almost sort of drowning in his own tears. He couldn't accept it.</p><p>But he knew. He knew Jack was gone.</p><p>"I can't live without you by my side..." he gushed. "Jack I-"</p><p>The tears gushed down his rosy cheeks, and onto Jack's cheeks. He looked back at him, hoping the power of true love would save him. But this wasn't a fairy tale. There is no true loves kiss or power of true love.</p><p>Ralph lay him down, feelings of emptiness overwhelming him. "Please Jack..." he begged, helplessly. "What can I do now...?"</p><p>He lay his head onto Jack's lifeless body, closing his eyes. "Jack, you were the first person I fell in love with. I know it didn't seem like that in the beginning- I know we didn't really get along at first but I want you to know I would've traded my life for yours," he broke out sobbing again. The pain was unbearable. "I should've been there for you. I never should've doubted myself- never should've pushed you away."</p><p>How could he leave him? The only person he had ever loved, alone on the shores of the beach. He still couldn't face him properly without bursting out crying. He didn't want to believe any of this was real. Because this wasn't meant to happen.</p><p>"It's my fault," he sobbed. "If I hadn't had hurt you- we never would've argued and the other boys wouldn't have found out!" he continued, his eyes widening. "It's my fault..." he repeated.</p><p>They were meant to leave the island. And as way-finders, find their own way. Alone on some other island, together away from the brutal reality of society. Ralph looked down at him, drained of life. From there he bent down to place a kiss on Jack's forehead.</p><p>This wasn't meant to happen. He placed Jack's hand into his and held against his face, pecking a kiss against it before laying it back down. And then he lay there silently. He needed time. He didn't know how long for.</p><p>The moon above him shone over the silver shores. He couldn't move. And he didn't want to. Even with the fact that Roger was dead, that was not enough to justify the loss he had just been handed on a rusted platter.</p><p>As he eased up, he could barely take two steps without collapsing back down onto the floor, or breaking into tears. Again and again he found himself back at Jack's side, gripping his hand gingerly. He wasn't strong. The guilt still rippled in his skin.</p><p>He couldn't accept he was gone. Still held him tightly, promising him everything would be OK.</p><p>He looked up at Jack, his mouth wobbling. But this time he took a deep breath, inhaling the ocean breeze to refute being hit with reality for the fifth time. He gradually sat up, rubbing down his arms for warmth.</p><p>"I promise," he said for the final time before attempting to stand up. "I'm going to fulfill the promise I made to you, OK?" he tried for a smile, wiping his eyes tirelessly.</p><p>And he would. Even leaving the island, whichever way he could, he would keep his promise. He would never stop protesting for gay rights, never forget everything they went through. And endlessly try to find his own way- find his own path.</p><p>Shakily, he staggered along the beach, finally leaving him. It hurt. But he couldn't look back, not when it would only worsen matters. He needed to do this for him.</p><p>He wouldn't let him down.</p><p>"You really know how to make me cry, when you give me those ocean eyes..." Ralph said, looking over his shoulder. "Goodbye Jack..." he wiped down his reddened eyes.</p><p>And so he went.</p><p>To fulfill his promise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I cried writing this-<br/>If you made it this far, thank you and I'm sorry if you cried.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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